Date: Wednesday December 7th 2006
Song: Not Now [Blink 182]
Time Started: 4:12pm

So for the past 2 weeks. I’ve been working full time. I’m still working full time, But now that I am, I’m getting more involved with people around my city. Which brings more drama into my life. It’s not sad that the people I hang out with are also the people that work at my job. Including my older brother, Don.

Last night I was coming back from Nina’s house with Grady. We we’re dropping her off at home, and that’s the night I wore my heart on my sleeve. We talked deep and I told him something needs to happen between him and Nina.

Nina is my best friend. She’s like me so much. We’re twin’s or some shit. She’s seeing Grady. Their not dating or anything.... yet.

When I told this to Grady, about how him and Nina need to get together fast, he asked me why, like he didn’t know. I confessed to him that I’m attracted to him, even though he knew.

Grady- So do you think me and Nina will be dating sooner or later?
Me- I hope it’s soon.
Grady- What do you think Nina thinks?
Me- I honestly don’t care Grady. I just want it to be soon.
Grady- Why?
Me- Because I need to know if I can get over you.
Grady- You’re being serious huh?
Me- Yes. It’s starting to hurt. Seeing you two together.

I have a problem. I put others before me. No matter WHAT!. I put Nina and Grady together because I thought Grady and I would never have a chance. Last night Grady told me, if Nina wasn’t in the picture him and I would have something going on.... How stupid am I?

Grady and I know one another more then we should. I’ve none him for maybe 3 weeks. Or a month. But I know him like I’ve known him for 5 years. When him and I are driving in his car, it’s him and I. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and just let shit out.

Out of all the people I hang out with; Nina, John, Michelle, Grady and Don. Grady is the one that’s most worried about me right at this moment. I’m not going to say why, because no one needs to know but him at I. When I feel the need to tell people, I’ll tell you.

Just know I’m alive, for those who care. I miss you Samm-eh =(

Time Ended: 4:20pm
Song Playing: Sam Malone [City & Colour]

I'm very upset with myself right now. I'm too upset that I cannot sleep, eat, think, listening to music, or even take on a long conversations.

I know no one reads this journal, hell no one really knows about it. But I'm going too say my problem anyways. Please no feed back really. it's to late to say sorry or to take things back. I could care less though, it's how life goes.

Jay Jensen and I have been talking for the back few days. Odd comments from him on Myspace. Through his bands profile. He's a great guy, really. Ever since we first talked, dating back to march of 2004(maybe), I've kinda got a little drawn towards him. He's a really sweet guy, all my friends Say that. And That's where the problem begins.

Jay offered to drop me off his bands CD, seeing as the stores wont be selling it for a while, I guess. Well I was massivly excited that I was getting it and I let it slip that Jay was nice enough to drop it by my house for me. Well that led to some rough conversations over Myspace. but it was all jokes. Sure he's a great guy, and sure I like him. but he's 21, i dont really see what chance I have with a guy like him. I tried to delete some of comments. but I gave up after it was the noted subject.

Steph gave me adivce and i love her for it. it really helped. I'll guess I'll just have to see what happens with Jay and Anto swing by tomorrow.

Wow I haven't updated in so long. I really do choose to keep this going. but until i have the energy to type out regular entries, I'll post one of my favourite poems i wrote a few months back.

First off I would love to thank Sophie for making me this amazing! LJ Layout. She's so talented with her graphics and what not. I really look up to her when it comes to most things in my life. Even if she is across the seas from me. She's amazing.

Yesterday I went to the mall with my dearist mother. We went shopping for some things. I got my cds.

The Transplants Haunted Cities
The All-American Rejects The All-American Rejects
Thursday War All The Time

They're all amazing cd's and i absolutly love the new Transplants album. I'm massivly stocked to see them live this summer at the Vans Warped Tour. Should be one hell of a show. Like I said I cannot WAIT! to see them. It'll be the highlight of my summer. All in all I'm massivly stocked for this years Warped Tour. I haven't gotten my ticket yet, or a way there, but I always get to a show. I'm buying my ticekt after Edgefest on July 1st.

8 DAYS!!!! 8 FUCKING DAYS!!! EDGEFEST IN 8 DAYS!!! I'm SOOOOO damn excited. I cannot wait to see Rise Against. I've been waiting all damn year to see them. Pure Talent. Speaking of talent.... BILLY TALNET is there too! Same with so many other bands like.... Alexisonfire, Story Of The Year, Closet Monster, Social Code, Out Of Your Mouth, Bombs Over Providence.... and so many more. it's worth paying the 50 bucks for a ticket. but I still haven't found anyone to take the other FREE ticket. So my sister might be going with me if I dont find someone.

Woooh YAY! EDGEFEST!!!!!!!! =D

Date: Thursday June 16th 2005
Time: 2:54pm
Mood: Creative
Song At The Moment: Dumb [Yellowcard Covering Nirvana]
Entry Title: I just wanted her to be happy. I didn’t think I would be so miserable

I work tomorrow. Oh joy. Then I’m off all weekend. THANK GOD! I booked it off because I have my family picnic on Saturday, and then I decided that I would like the whole weekend off. Which I think I need. Next weekend though, I’m right back on midnight weekends. This Family Picnic all I’m going to hear is, ‘You happy to be an aunt!?’ I’ll get it so much that I’ll just walk off and not care anymore. The Picnic is being held in my local park, River Side Park. So I know practically my WHOLE way around there.

Still no one to go to Edgefest with. Sam and I did pull out a few idea but I think it’s just best if I find someone else to go with. Less confusion and what not. I haven’t found anyone yet, and no on is willing to take a FREE god damn ticket. Damn people. Hah! We’ll see what happens I have maybe about.... 2 weeks left to find someone...? Im sure I can find someone. While I’m finding someone I’ll start thinking of a way to get there and home safely. Should be one hell of a ride. And it’s all for a concert. Oh well.

Jodi had her baby. Yes She did. A boy, Ty, for short. His full name is Tyler Connor Stephenson. I haven’t been up to see Jodi or the baby. I know I should but to many people have already been up there. Sure you’re probably saying, ‘it happens with every new baby’. Jodi’s in pain though. She had to under a C Section and I don’t want to bother her or the baby. She should be home Saturday and If I wish to I’ll see the baby.

You all are probably getting the hint of my jealously well you’re all right. I never thought I would be so jealous over my nephew. How shallow can I be. I guess I also have a right to be jealous. You all wouldn’t understand unless you were me. Jodi and I use to be SO close. Like joined at the hip, in some occasions. Since Steven walked in, there’s been nothing but hatred between Jodi and I. YES! I am BLAMING Steven. I have no problem saying that to you all, it is his fault Jodi and I are no longer the sisters we use to be. I guess it’s somewhat my fault too, I said yes for Jodi to date Steven. I just wanted her to be happy. I didn’t think I would be so miserable, or that a baby would come out of this.

Time complete: 3:06pm
Song At The Moment: One Year, Six Months [Yellowcard]